14 June 2023
If you are a high achiever, you may find this of interest.
High achievers invariably have anxiety. I know this, having dealt with obsessive compulsiveness and anxiety for 72 years.
We get bogged down by anxiety. Often we worry about worst-case scenarios, stew over mistakes, and compare ourselves with others. Sound familiar?
We can and must, for our mental well being take action to prevent such a conquest. The responsibility is ours. Failure to accept it harms our work and home relationships. Am I correct?
I found whether I was working as a federal agent, a corporate executive, or for myself that to come to terms with anxiety, I had to make it not a friend but an ally! The little beast will never be my friend!
Easily said, not as easily done. However, there are specific things we can do to lessen anxiety.
Let’s stop and ask ourselves, “What exactly is worrying us?” Is it a person? A situation? A potential outcome? Did someone say something that hurt our feelings? Am I feeling bullied, shamed, or guilty over something?
When you stop, breathe, and remain quiet for a few minutes, you can identify the source of the anxiety. Then you can address it with more intention and focus and less emotion.
I found the following apporaches helpful to me as I discovered them over the years.
Practice self-compassion. Approach yourself more positively by replacing self-judgment with self-kindness. You’ll feel better, think more clearly, and escape the thought traps.
See the humor. Will your typo cause you to get fired? Is it solely your fault that your company didn’t meet its goals? Of course not! If you can acknowledge that absurdity and let it amuse you, you’ll loosen up.
Try guided meditation. Magic happens when you take some time to pause and reset. Try meditating on the words of another person, giving you something other than your thoughts to focus on. I found my first dog on a trail on a wintry day in March 1995. The dog saved my life. My wife named him Stempy. He was a coyote-wolf dog-looking fellow, with short legs and he insisted I spend time with him. When I did, my thoughts cleared, and I became more relaxed and focused. He and I spent many an hour walking the trails of Oak Ridge, figuring out strategies and working through problems.
Say no to the negative thought. When you notice an anxious thought creeping in, interrupt it by saying “No” “Stop” or “Not today!” I keep a mirror on my desk that I can look at and tell myself to STOP the “stinking thinking”. The more you engage in this habit, your brain will learn the cue to break free of an anxiety-fueled thought before it traps you.
Handling anxiety is a daily thing. I see it often still sitting in the corner like an angry gremlin often sneering at me, staring at me even now in my retirement. However, it no longer holds any power over me.
And to continue to help with my situation, I have a new service dog. I’ve been through three of god’s gifts since Stempy; Max, Little Bit, and Louie. My newest dog is a terrier-poodle mix named Calista. The name is Greek, for “most beautiful.” The seven-year-old rescued from the side of the road has PTSD worse than I do, however, the two of us are working through both of our anxiety issues.
One last suggestion. Have you ever heard of a “God Box”? I don’t recall who advised me to do this; however, I am always thankful. I was told to write on a piece of paper what was bothering me, my insecurity, my fear, and my problem and place it in a box. I keep that box on my desk as well. Then say, “God I need help. I am letting go and letting you have this.” Then walk away from it. Recently, I cleared out 30 years of those notes. Know what? Not a single not one thing that I was so worried and anxious about ever came true. God solved all those problems for me.
L. Darryl Armstrong Ph.D. 