Forthcoming e-book on the M-Generation

Some of you know my work as a behavioral psychologist and a public involvement consultant. What you may not know is that I have known for some time that  the day would come when I, as a “Baby Boomer” (born 1950), would have to figure out how to work with the M-Generation.  I realized this as I witnessed the M-Generation evolve into the complex people they are, and I foresaw the trials and tribulations that lay ahead for all of us

We typically think of this generation as being born in the early 1980s through about the year 2000. Had I had a child, he/she would have been of this generation. I have often wondered if I his/her Mother and I would have passed along our values and work ethic. Would we have succumbed to being the “helicopter parents” that so many of this generation have, or would we have focused more on our own values from our generation  where we had to “pay the dues”?

In my forthcoming e-book, you will find my research, my observations, and my explanation of what you can expect as you  behaviorally work with this M-Generation or “The Millennials”. I believe that there are significant trials ahead for all of us, yet I remain optimistic.

Now, before any of you condemn me for my directness in my assessments, let me note these are general characteristics. No one set of traits applies to all members of the M-Generation, just as they did not all apply to the Baby Boomers of the “Love and Peace” era. Also, I note in sidebars research that  some individual cases contradict some of the basic generalizations. You choose to use the data and observations as you wish as you develop your own path to learning how to work productively with the Millennials.

Many of you Baby Boomers and GenXers are going to find, as I did, that we have quite a task on our hands when it comes to integrating this generation into our workforces. The challenge is on both sides of the proverbial coin, and we must agree amongst ourselves that we will meet these issues and deal with them effectively.

It will not be easy because Millennials will need to understand that they also will have to adapt to our expectations and learn from our experiences.

Whether you are a Baby Boomer or a GenXer, I recommend that you learn to work smarter by understanding the M-Generation and by understanding that we will not change their some of their relatively fixed and permanent behaviors and traits.

They were raised this way.  Some of us must accept some of that responsibility.  We thought the idea that everyone should get an “award” for just showing up, even if it was not on time, was a good thing.  We were seeking to eliminate negativity in their lives and promote feelings of self worth.  But the pendulum maybe swung too far.  As Pogo, the famous cartoon character once famously said, “We have met the enemy, and they are us!”

On the other hand, most Millenials do want to feel that they are doing good work.  Although many of them grew up with constant positive reinforcement, we don’t have to give praise when praise is not due.  What we can and must do is communicate with them early and often. Clearly articulating our expectations (in writing and verbally), as well as the consequences of not meeting them, is “where it’s at”.  Constructive feedback consistently given can help them understand that we want them to succeed just as their parents did, but we will not coddle them.

We must choose our fights and be willing to negotiate with these young people.  We will have to be up front about where are willing to negotiate and where we are not willing to negotiate.  Listen to them, learn from them, but insist that they give us the same courtesy.

It’s important to define sensible, well articulated, and mutually agreed upon boundaries, standards, and expectations for these new hires to live up to and abide by.  If we do not do this, they will flounder and even fail.  No one wins in this scenario.

However, if we learn how to adapt and get what we need from the M-Generation, they can be productive and contribute to our workplace.

Once we negotiate a balance between “challenge” and “accommodation,” we can negotiate with the Millennials to focus on releasing the exceptional gifts and talents that their generation can bring to the workplace.

Most importantly:

• We must keep learning, observing and rewarding as Dr. Phil McGraw says, “the good behavior.”
  • However, If they come into work late, we must have negotiated on the front-end with them the consequences of this  behavior and then enact the “negotiated corrective behavior”.
• We will be challenged to stay resilient and flexible in our management.
  • When they question our expertise and experience, our instructions or focus, our understanding of internal organizational politics, we should ask their opinions and listen to learn and understand.  Yet we should  ensure they realize that we have no obligation whatsoever to take their advice or counsel.

• We must make sure they know there are consequences to going over the chain of command.
  • This generation will not hesitate to go to the CEO or President without your approval or counsel. They “feel” entitled to advance their perspectives and agenda whether you agree with it or not, especially if they “feel” they are “right,” “just” or have a “better way of doing things.”

• We must maintain a sense of humor.
  • Listen, didn’t every Baby Boomer and GenXer also think and feel we could change the world?  Some of our “fresh” and “new” approaches were at times humorous, if not even ridiculous, because we did not understand the organizational processes or politics. Being able to laugh at the absurdity of our own life experiences can help us keep our perspective.
• We must find a way to center ourselves and remain calm. “Keep calm and carry on”, as the British say.  It worked in the second world war!
  • For our own sanity and well-being, we must decide the best way to stay sane in this process. After all, this generation is caretaking us in our retirement!

We will announce the release of the new e-book in a few days. Stay tuned.

http://www.ldarrylarmstrong.com

1.888.340.2006

ldarrylarmstrong@gmail.com

@doctordarry

L. Darryl Armstrong – June 2017

“Talk to me” — Confessions of two life-long negotiators

Detective Frank Hunt has a distinguished 30-year career with the 110th precinct in New York City. He has seen most all of it when it comes to crime and crime scenes. And although he has been honored for numerous contributions that he has made to the department, perhaps he is best known for being an experienced and highly successful negotiator.

 I had the privilege a few years ago to speak at the Coldwell Bankers Real Estate annual awards breakfast in Owensboro and my topic was, if you choose, how you too can learn to be a better negotiator during times of a crisis or not. After all sales personnel all need to understand the art and science of negotiations to be as successful as possible.

 I first observed the power of a good negotiator when I watched my grandfather trade mules back in the 1950s. By the 1970s, I was negotiating my way through a government agency and then for the past 25 years I have taught these skills to managers, labor representatives, sales, law enforcement and military personnel.

 Frank Hunt and I agree on many points that we have learned in our 40 plus-year careers.

 To be a good negotiator, you must get and keep “rapport” with the other person. Rapport is a French word that means you have developed a relationship of mutual trust or, like-mindedness, fellowship, comradeship, camaraderie, sympathy.

 Hunt says that under all circumstances you must be “relentless” in trying to develop rapport. The development of rapport is not always easy and yet even when we get it we also can lose it fairly quickly. We know we have rapport when the “feeling” of the moment is “right”. We lose rapport when we are not paying attention to what we are doing to keep the other party engaged.

 Effective negotiators “get up close and personal” with the other party, Hunt says. And I would add that it is always the “one-on-one” that makes the most successful relationships during negotiations.

 As a hostage negotiator Hunt says, you must “deal with the situations as they happen” and show the other person involved that you too are a “real person” that cares about the outcome of the experience.

 My own experience has demonstrated over the years that if you negotiate for purely selfish reasons and don’t find a mutually successful outcome such discussions usually fail on all fronts. During a crisis, I can assure you that the other party involved can quickly distinguish a skilled manipulator over an experienced negotiator.

 “You also must place your ego to the side,” Hunt admonishes. And experience has shown both of us that when you can’t do that you simply can’t be effective.

“I believe that to be most effective you must be able to show the other party that you are willing to cross the line with them,” Hunt notes.

 Roger Dawson, author of the The Secrets of Power Negotiators, points out that irrespective of how much you study or what you do that the best teacher is “experience”.

 Of course, that would not be the case with hostage negotiations yet most of us have tried now and then to develop our skills by actually practicing them. Think about it. Ever bought a car and made a different offer than the “asking price”? You opened the door for negotiations but did you walk through it?

 Some basic tips to follow if you decide to engage in negotiations:

•  Go into the situation thinking and acting positive
• Be aware that if you think negative, you will come out with a negative outcome
• Remind the other party that they are not alone – it is you and them working together for a mutually satisfactory outcome
• Propose often by using language such as “Why don’t we try this …”
• Remind the other party frequently “We will work this out”
• Remember negotiations require time – time is on your side
• Create a ‘win’ of some kind for both sides
• Deal with the moment and get personal when you can
• Pull them out of the situation psychologically not physically
• Keep the playing field level whenever possible
• Let the other person tell you how to best deal with their complaint or issue
• Keep asking for their advice and help
• Help the other person to make decision along with you
• Be a good listener and repeat now and then exact words back so the other party feels honored by your listening skills
• Be sensitive to all situations – what might not be important to you may be to the other party
• Project and instill confidence in your discussion

 Finally, with all due respect some people simply can’t be good negotiators. That is a fact of life. Those people should proceed to develop other skills they may possess.

 And remember, as Hunt is apt to share, “If you only have a hammer in your tool box then every problem has to be a nail.”

 Develop as many of your negotiating skills and talents as possible and use them to develop a wealth of experience to be successful. Finally, the time to develop and practice these skills is not during the times of a crisis. Plan, prepare and train in advance to survive.

 END

 

Identifying “Driver” Personality and Management Styles

So you think/feel that your boss, your significant other, or your employee is a driver.

But how do you know that they are drivers?

Well, let’ s look at some of the “descriptors” – those things that accurately describe “drivers”.

Drivers are “dominant” in their actions; they are high control; tend to want to manage process; are very self-reliant; like to direct things; are often over achievers and can be volatile.

If you compared them to an animal they would be elephants, and if you compared them to a vegetable they would be garlic. They are often “big mouths” – and can be seen as “Sherman Tanks” running over other people. They always want to “finish” it.

Now, bear in mind how you see them and how they see themselves are totally different. Drivers see themselves as being results-driven, action-oriented, very focused, direct and self-reliant.

However, if you have to “partner” with them you may seem them as intolerant, short-term, insensitive and always wanting to win and have someone else lose.

The greatest single fear a driver has is — failure.

Under tension they will lose control or fall back to being indecisive. And their response to tension is to dictate.

Do you know some drivers? Are you one?

Probably the most intense and “famous” driver I have ever personally known and worked with was Marvin Runyon, former chairman of the Tennessee Valley Authority.

Until next time.

Dr. Darryl

L. Darryl Armstrong

ARMSTRONG and Associates

Spread the word

del.icio.us Digg Furl Reddit Ask BlinkList blogmarks Google Ma.gnolia Netscape RawSugar Rojo Shadows Simpy Socializer Spurl StumbleUpon Tailrank Technorati Windows Live Wists Yahoo! Help

Understanding Personality Styles: The Secret To Your Success In Getting Along with Challenging Co-workers, Managers and Employees

By H.J.D. Stimpson – Special Correspondent

Behold the salesman stereotype-the smooth-talking glad-hander wearing a flashy tie, white belt, and sporty shoes with a routine of jokes to entertain all of his prospects.

Expressive people like to talk and laugh but it’s important to relate to people on their own terms, which is the very basis of understanding public relations. Therefore, to be truly successful in business you must learn to size up your customers. Some of them may just want numbers-just the data, without a lot of fluff. With analytical clients, you have to learn to sit on your hands and keep your mouth shut.

If you apply these principles you will be more successful in all your relationships.

You can’t treat all people alike.  You must evaluate them as individuals and in terms of their personality types. Then deal with the situation according to their needs, not yours.

This approach works for hostage negotiators, sales people, and just folks like you and me, according to Dr. L. Darryl Armstrong, a public relations counselor and consultant from Eddyville, Ky.

Armstrong and his wife, Kay operate ARMSTRONG and Associates (http://www.armstrongandassociates.org/) a consulting and counseling firm located on Lake Barkley in western Kentucky.

“The key is being versatile and resilient, so that you can adapt your style to someone else’s style to achieve a mutual outcome,” Armstrong says.

“People like to interact with people who are like them and who understand how to develop rapport and sustain it. Most of the time for example in sales, you’re not selling your product, because there’s little difference between products. You’re selling your relationship with the client. If I’m a salesperson and I can get you to like me and trust me, then you’re probably going to buy from me. If I am a hostage negotiator and can develop rapport with you I may be able to resolve the situation amicably,” Armstrong says.

Like converts testifying to the congregation, his clients frequently refer to Armstrong’s lectures and workshops to back up this personality-style approach to predicting, preventing or resolving conflicts, or even selling Bibles!

“It’s worked for me for 35 years,” Armstrong chuckles. Armstrong is a trained behavioral psychologist with degrees from Murray State University and AIH and has applied his training in the government and corporate world for more than 35-years.

“Sometimes in the most difficult of situations,” he adds.

Forever the puzzle – but what fun you can have analyzing the situation

Using a “social style” four quadrant matrix with a horizontal and a vertical axis, Armstrong has his clients place themselves in quadrants as “drivers,” “expressives,” “amiables,” or “analyticals.”

Social Styles Quadrants

The horizontal line denotes degrees of responsiveness; the vertical line degrees of assertiveness. At the top of the matrix in terms of non-responsiveness are the controlling drivers and the task-oriented analyticals.

Below the horizontal line are those more responsive to people-the assertive expressives and the nonassertive amiables.

Armstrong says social styles are easy to spot.

Amiables and expressives wear warm colors and furnish their offices with personal items-family photos or kids’ artwork. Their work areas are often littered with papers. If there’s room, they may shove their desks against a wall and sit next to visitors.

Analyticals and drivers dress conservatively and use their furniture as barriers or space dividers. Art prints or sales charts decorate their walls.

“Drivers may not have anything on their desks except a calendar or clock, because they’re very time-oriented,” Armstrong says.

“Color preferences in cars, as well as dress, are cues to personality,” he continues.

“Drivers and analyticals like neutrals, black, and ivory, while amiables and expressives are more into pigment. Amiables like softer colors, while expressives prefer bold ones.”

In class and his many workshops, Armstrong has his participants do self-evaluations to identify their personal styles. Then they practice various situations.

“Students do videotaped presentations, and we view them in class so that we can learn from each other,” he says.

“The funniest videos are those with two drivers: It’s like watching a Ping-Pong match.” 

Personality styles emerge at birth or shortly after

Armstrong says that personality types emerge soon after birth.

“One of my ‘daughters’ is an analytical driver with a strong amiable backup, so I have to deal with her differently from the way I deal with the other ‘daughter’, who is a mixture of both amiable and expressive,” he says.

Emphasizing that most people are mixtures of several styles, Armstrong says that sales representatives can draw on different elements of their own personalities in dealing with others.

 “To be successful in sales, presentations, surviving mergers of companies or everyday conflict resolution, you can’t stick completely to your own personal style all of the time and be successful. It just doesn’t work that way. Resiliency is critical to being successful in the business world,” he says.

“You must be resilient, adaptable and flexible. You must be able to ‘flex’ yourself to fit the situation.”

One of my colleagues, who graduated a few years ago with a business degree, says he was able to use what he learned very quickly.

The young man had been going to school full-time and working for the local cooperative as a marketing intern, Armstrong says.

He deals with some farmers, but mainly with their farm managers or their wives. He tell us that he found that identifying social styles is a great tool not just in selling, but also in developing and keeping good client relationships, which in turn prevents conflicts.

Cowboy boots and business suits and western shirts – don’t forget the bolo tie

Walk in Darryl Armstrong’s office, and it’s pretty easy to peg his social style as amiable and a driver with hints of being expressive. His smile is wide, his handshake firm. He wears jeans and dress T-shirts or other casual clothes often. Books and papers cover his desk and floor, and children’s drawings, awards and certificates, news clips and doodling adorn his walls. Yet, there is his “To Do List” right there in front of him keeping him focused on the tasks at hand. 

Armstrong notes that, in most interactive situations, social-style “signals” can work both ways.

For example, customers also often “read” salespeople, making it important for those trying to make sales to fit into customer environments. The way salespeople dress is the most obvious and immediate way to achieve this “fit.”

“When I worked for the Tennessee Valley Authority, we had a senior manager from west Texas who wore cowboy boots and Western shirts,” Armstrong says.

“Everybody else wore business suits. However, he was always out in the field checking how things were going on the lines and he would have been totally out of place wearing suits. He would throw a sport jacket over his western shirt and jeans when he wanted to be more ‘formal.'”

What if you sell John Deere tractors but have an afternoon appointment at the bank to get a loan?

“Adapt, be flexible and resilient,” Armstrong says.

“Maybe you can wear khaki pants and a knit shirt at a farm, but put a jacket in the car to wear to the bank. Or, if you’re wearing a suit while at the bank, remove the jacket and tie, then roll up your sleeves at the farm.”

Once you learn to do it – it’s like riding a bike

Armstrong says that evaluating social styles becomes automatic in almost every situation-business or social.

“It’s almost like riding a bicycle,” he says. “Once you learn the basic skills, you do it without thinking.”

It’s always important, he adds, to remain open to social-style cues as situations evolve.

Never, he cautions, assume that you know someone’s social style beforehand.

“The other day, I had an appointment with the vice president for network operations at a major corporation,” he says. “I assumed I was going to be talking with an analytical. He wasn’t.”

“Every detail of your person, every nuance of your speech-all of those signals combine to create an important impression in a client’s mind,” Armstrong stresses.

“Those are the cues that can make or break a deal or help you prevent or resolve a conflict, get along better with your colleagues, make a sale, survive a merger, or resolve a hostage situation. It is all about understanding how psychology, consultative analysis and public relations fit together to make us successful in life and work,” Armstrong says.

You can learn more about the use of personality styles or arrange a consultation or workshop by contacting Dr. L. Darryl Armstrong toll-free at 1.888.340.2006 or at his website at http://www.armstrongandassociates.org/

Until next time.

Dr. Darryl

L. Darryl Armstrong

ARMSTRONG and Associates

Spread the word

del.icio.us Digg Furl Reddit Ask BlinkList blogmarks Google Ma.gnolia Netscape RawSugar Rojo Shadows Simpy Socializer Spurl StumbleUpon Tailrank Technorati Windows Live Wists Yahoo! Help