Three Key Strategies to Minimize Conflict and Prevent Crisis with the M-Generation in the Work Place Chapter 4 of 7

“… most Millennials enjoy being coached and mentored – remember they had a unique relationship with their parents and teachers in this regard. Offer them pointers and tips on workplace etiquette. You will probably find that they are grateful for advice that will help them move up the professional ladder and achieve the greater responsibilities that they want.  It can be a win-win situation.” – Lancaster and Stillman The M-Generation

You have hired, or if you run family businesses you may have “inherited” a member(s) of the M-Generation also known as a Millennial.  You probably realize that it is essential  you to better understand some of the behaviors, values and perspectives that this new hire may exhibit.

You may already have found some level of challenge and frustration.  Let’s looks at the key criteria necessary to minimize conflict and enhance performance in the workplace when working with Millennials.

• First, when recruiting and interviewing don’t promise more than you can deliver. When hiring a member of the M-Generation, be realistic about the work that he/she will do.
• Present a potential M-Generation employee with an exact description of the job. You want to make sure that he/she understands that the job may not include conducting the weekly briefings or managing upwards, or running the company just yet.
• Second, take advantage of the positive view of the M-Generation’s desire to do more and to tackle larger responsibilities. Take advantage of their eagerness and strong desire to be involved, and reward these traits whenever you can.
• Some assignments by nature are off limits to M-Generation new hires. After all, with their need to share information and lack of understanding about confidentiality, letting them handle business sensitive information is probably not an option early on in their orientation. However, look for projects that require attention and with information that can be shared. Be clear and direct in your explanations.
• Always give M-Generation employees specific parameters to work within, clarify what they will be held accountable for, what the schedule and deadline is, and then let them engage.

 

Finally, determine what “reward” is in the M-Generation new hire’s mind. What you and I perceive as “rewards” is often very different than what they see.  It may be hard to for you to embrace the “level of praise” that has dominated Millennials’ lives. Remember that this immediate reward concept has been “hard-wired” and reinforced constantly and consistently in their young lives.

“I wish someone would have told me that there will be soul-crushing frustrations and soul-smashingly beautiful moments, and sometimes they will occur all at once. I wish someone would’ve told me that you will have to figure out your career, your finances, your current experiences, your childhood traumas, your relationships and your friendships all at once, there’s no one by one.” – Adunola Adeshola Contributor @ Forbes

For the Millennial, rewards don’t have to be big to be meaningful. A simple gesture will go a long way. Recently in talking with an Assistant Chief of Police, he told me his Millennials want to be called by their first names, asked about their family (yes, you will need to remember the wife’s name and the kids’ names), and they want to be praised for being to work on time.

Rewards for Millennials should be “personal and tailored” to the individual. For example, one supervisor told us that he had a new hire who was a Starbuck’s junkie. So he gave him a gift card to the coffee shop where he buys his morning coffee.

Here is a scenario suggested by the authors of the M-Factor. If your Millennial puts in long hours on the congregation’s fundraiser for a local women’s shelter, ask her to be the one to present the check to the shelter’s director. She will be very happy.

We have learned much from B. F. Skinner and Pavlov about Skinnerian approaches to behavioral psychology over the years. It is also true for Millennials. The closer the reward follows the work, the greater impact it will have on their future performance and behavior.

Baby Boomers and GenXers are often confused and bewildered by the simple things that Millennials don’t know about living and working as an adult.

Research shows that the most common problems include unfamiliarity with workplace etiquette, what are appropriate communication venues, and what boundaries should exist between professional, personal and private matters.

As an example, Lancaster and Stillman note that you might have a casual dress policy for your church office, and yet be disconcerted by your M-Generation intern’s choice of board shorts and flip-flops for the weekly staff meeting. He may truly think this is appropriate.  You will need to tell him that it is not…in a tactful manner, write and communicate your policy on a regular basis. Yes, Millennials just like all of us will slip back into their old behaviors.

Or perhaps, you left a voice mail for Ms. Millennial expressing concerns about an upcoming project and asked her to call you as soon as possible. Instead, she sent a reply via text to your cell phone, complete with indecipherable abbreviations and emoticons. While you appreciate the fact that you can reach her quickly day or night by text or email, you wonder if she is a bit too relaxed about keeping the office hours that you agreed on. Plus you don’t know what the heck she is talking about in that text.

Millennials are “texters” often times because they don’t have the necessary social skills to inter-relate. Often you will find them jittery in meetings, always searching their phone, and texting when they should be listening.

However, our biggest concerns may be associated with the M-Generations’ use of social media. Often Millennials are not discrete about what they post on social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. The photos and comments they may put online after a weekend beach trip with their college buddies may cause you some alarm.

To deal with this behavior and not exacerbate the situation or create high blood pressure for yourself, you must learn to accept that is the new “norm” while learning how to negotiate a mutually acceptable working arrangement with these employees.

Does this mean we will just have to agree with such behavior? No.

Although we believe these “folks” should know this stuff already, they don’t. The smart thing to do is to understand the Millennial sense of what is appropriate. Then take the time to communicate the guidelines and rules – written and unwritten – for professional etiquette and interaction in your organization.

So, we recommend you start right now. Create your organization’s list of guidelines and rules. This will save time and aggravation later. You will not know what your M-Generation new hire doesn’t know until you see his/her blind spots and inexperience in action.

Each M-Generation employee is teaching you something about the assumptions that she and her peers are bringing into the workplace. This experience makes you better equipped to train her successors. Prepare now to do a lot of coaching as new situations arise, even though you can’t believe coaching on a particular point of etiquette is necessary.

The upside to all of this is that most Millennials enjoy being coached and mentored – remember they had a unique relationship with their parents and teachers in this regard. Offer them pointers and tips on workplace etiquette. You will probably find that they are grateful for advice that will help them move up the professional ladder and achieve the greater responsibilities that they want.  It can be a win-win situation.

Millennials Teach Us About Networking and Are Always Doing It – Part 5 

 

 

What is the Single Greatest Complaint Leveled Against Millennials? Chapter 3 of 7

“Yes, I am entitled to apply for a vice president’s job. I was a community organizer for two years and have been here a year already!” – A Millennial 

What is the singular greatest complaint leveled against Millennials? Many employers would say that this generation sees each new undertaking with a “sense of entitlement” that is entirely out of proportion to their age and experience. After all, as the M-generation sees it, shouldn’t they at least be allowed to apply for a vice president of the company where they have worked for one year? After all, a community organizer can become president.

They are not taking into consideration that this president had a law degree and was a law professor for 12 years before he was a three-time State Senator, and a U.S. Senator for two years  before he ran for the office.

Simply, from childhood, the M-Generation has developed a reputation for “being overconfident and spoiled.” They expect praise (even coming to work on time to them is an important recognition) long before they have earned it. Also, remember they probably have no understanding or appreciation for the reporting and accountability hierarchy in an organization let alone what I took to build the organization.

As the authors of “The M-Factor” say, “This generation shows signs of being far too impressed with their own value and importance.”

Now, before you beat me with the proverbial wet noodle of indignation, I acknowledge this trait is tempered by individual personalities. While one Millennial may exude “cockiness and arrogance” that turns off even his/her peers, another one is a model of humility.

Authors do say that anecdotal evidence, along with the general trends, suggests that at some point you will shake your head in disbelief at the unreasonable expectations you have just discovered in your new employee.   Despite their intelligence and competency in many areas, the Millennial has a lot to learn.  But, in a different time in a different way, didn’t we all?

Let’s examine a few generalized expectations you may encounter so you will be prepared.

• Millennials may expect to advance quickly. Once they have mastered their current responsibilities, they want to be promoted to higher positions or greater responsibility NOW.
• They often have a very low tolerance for the mundane work that usually falls to the lowest rung of the workplace ladder. They don’t understand the concept of seniority, and to them, that is an anathema of their value system. They value capability over experience and believe that a fresh, young perspective is always more valuable than the tried and true methods of the “old gray heads”.
• The ideas of “doing your time” within a role and job and “paying your dues” just do not make sense to them and are at odds with their expectations. The kind of work and status that M-Generation new hires are likely to encounter in any job may not be to their liking.
• Many employers, when they encounter the M-Generation employee’s high expectations and impatience with their low status, are tempted to conclude that he/she is just plain “spoiled rotten”.

As a path to understanding, let’s consider how we acted out our own social norms of the 1960s and 70s and were complacent to “climb the ladder” appropriately by gaining experience and education.  The M-Generation new hire and his peers are simply acting out the social norms and experiences and examples that have thus far shaped their lives.

Many behavioral psychologist and sociologists have concluded that one prevailing norm for the Millennial has been the constant availability of choice. Simply, in all aspects of life, at home, at school, in extra-curricular activities and even the marketplace, they often could choose their experiences. Everything from what playlists they might load to their I-pod to what reading list they preferred in high school or college was a personal choice. For them, their world has been easily customizable.  It is going to be a shock to some of them to find out that life is not always that way.

In my mind, members of this generation can be overly-sensitive, overly critical, and hyper-active to the point that focus to get something done without “chasing the squirrel” can be detrimental. This can certainly be a factor in their employment lives. For example, there were college students who were appalled at “chalk drawings of presidential candidates” on the sidewalks. Few employers are expecting or prepared to deal with an employee reduced to crying over inanimate objects and even fewer are going to provide “safe spaces,” cookies and hot chocolate when something upsets one of their new hires.

Let’s remember that many of the parents of the M-Generation believed and practiced that praise and self-esteem were the first priorities in parenting and teaching realms. The child learns that if you play on the little league baseball team, you get a trophy for showing up. Turn in your homework, and get a gold star for turning something in with your name on it regardless of the content. Quit the debate team in a huff, then talk your way back on it because you want to show how important you are and deserve a second chance.

While effort is important and trying your best is important, life, and certainly, the business world does not necessarily hand out trophies for these worthy attributes.

Millennials often hear “You can accomplish whatever you want in life” hundreds of times by the times they are adults The flip side of that coin is that hard work, perseverance, and some luck are usually the prerequisites. The family business you are about to inherit it came from the hard work, perseverance and yes some luck. And, even with all that in place, there is still no guarantee.  Millennials may have a hard time grasping this. 

Granted it will be difficult to alter the high expectations about choice, and the need for quick and constant affirmation, of the typical Millennial.   Many employers may see it as impossible!  But fear not – there are ways to approach your new hire’s expectations that will minimize conflict and frustration while utilizing their potential.

Next: Minimizing conflict and crisis when dealing with a Millennial – Part 4

 

 

 

 

How to Effectively Work with the M-Generation Chapter 2 of 7

 “To prevent or manage a crisis, focus on learning as much as possible as soon as possible so that you will be able to build relationships with the people who could be impacted. This includes customers, employees, and social media followers. If you do this, you will find yourself communicating with the right people at the right time and in the right place.” – Dr. L. Darryl Armstrong, Bluegrass Public Relations Society Speech

In Chapter One of this series, we gave some general behavioral insights into the M-Generation, the people born between 1982-2000, who are currently entering the work place. In this chapter, we will look at the common characteristics that further define this generation and how to effectively deal with them.

As Baby Boomers and GenXers, our parents invariably worked hard and often long hours to provide us a better life. Parental involvement was limited, and our parents trusted us to our teachers and coaches, pastors and Sunday school teachers.

Parents came to ballgames, plays and special events. We knew that if the principal or teacher called our folks because of our unruly behavior during or even after school, we would suffer the consequences, and, yes, there would be some parental involvement at that juncture! This parental involvement did not include blaming any one else for our misdeeds. We were expected to accept responsibility for our behavior or accept the consequence.

Enter the “Helicopter Parent”

Photo by Tookapic on Pexels.com

However, in the last 30 years, we have seen a major shift in the parental role as parents have become more involved socially and educationally with their children. As a result of this era of “parents being the child’s friend”, the parent is no longer in a role of authority in their children’s eyes.

Millenials became their parents’ “colleagues” and “associates”, and with the proliferation of the cell phone, the kids were never far from the “nest” of the parents. So, enters the “helicopter” parent, and the parents, in many cases, enjoy this relationship because psychologist say it “gives them more meaningful lives” and therefore they don’t choose to or want to “push the child out of the nest.”

The Millennials are fine with this because they are not seeking or striving for independence in many cases. Educators and others have observed this trend for years.

Yes, it is the M-Generation that chose to live in their parent’s basements as long as possible while finding themselves and their calling whereas the Baby Boomers fought for and sought early independence from their parents the Millennials prefer the security of the nest.

Teachers, and counselors in some cases, have appreciated more parental involvement, if it was not “too much”.

Employers, on the other hand, frankly have little to no interest in parents “helicoptering” their Millennial employees.

“Sadly, it is increasingly common for employers to receive phone calls from a parent wanting to discuss problems or a disappointment their (adult) child has had at work says.” Lynne C. Lancaster and David Stillman, authors of The M-Factor: How the Millennial Generation is Rocking the Workplace” (Harper Collins, 2010).

Employers have even reported that Millenials have told them they have asked their “Mom or Dad as their colleague” to review their work or even do it for them. Just like they did in school and sadly, in this author’s opinion, many parents do so. These same parents maintain even more control of the M-Generation often by paying their bills, buying them cars, food or clothes and taking care of their children because after all these children are the “grandchildren” the Boomers and Gen-Xers always wanted.

Lancaster and Stillman note that one of the bigger surprises experienced in the work place is when the new hire millennial shares some feedback from a parent, who happens to be a senior vice president at a similar company.

This feedback about how the parent could do things better, if they were in charge, is not solicited or appreciated by the employer.

Simply, the M-Generation view their parents as valuable resources whose counsel and input will be as vital for their work life as it was when they were students. When you hire a millennial, you will get the parents as part of the bargain, whether you like it or not.

Initially, I thought this was hyperbole or outrageous complaining until I actually observed such behavior from a member of my own extended family. Since I left home at age 17 and paid my way through college, I found this enabling behavior to be an antithesis to my idea of maturity, healthy self-reliance, and productivity. I would dare to say that much of society feels the same way. But then, apparently there are a lot of helicopter parents who do not.

However, based on my own observations and research, I recommend that you forget about trying to change this perspective, or debate with the new hire (or their parents).

Whether this perspective and behavior is appropriate, healthy, or mature is irrelevant to them. The reality is you must accept the fact that this “parental helicoptering” and the M-Generation’s social behaviors are now at least 20 years into solidification, and you are not likely to change that perspective anytime soon.

There are strategies, however, that can be deployed to deal with this M-Generation behavior. One is to articulate and clearly establish boundaries up front in the working relationship regarding your feelings about parental involvement.

For example, personnel records, including performance reviews, are generally considered organizationally confidential and are not open for discussion with anyone other than the employee and her supervisors. This is a distinct and most appropriate boundary that you should clarify to a new hire in case his parent wants to explore his child’s experience at your company.

However, some researchers say it might also help to understand the close relationship Millenials have with their parents by viewing it the same way they do – as an asset when it comes to “reflection” on work place issues.

Remember these Millennials are products of parental engagement. They have been sharing and processing their experiences with their parents from the earliest of ages.

If your new M-Generation employees seemingly have this kind of relationship with their parents, encourage them to involve their parents in reflection on their profession, roles, responsibilities and chosen vocation. Do not, however, allow them to think that you and the parents will be having this kind of relationship.

Remember that Millennials don’t readily grasp the concept of confidentiality, especially in conversation with their parents. Therefore, it is important to provide them clearly articulated and well-defined guidelines on what kind of information is inappropriate for such conversations.

Lancaster and Stillman note that a Millennial’s relationship with his parents is the template for interaction with other older adults and authority figures.

If you can objectively observe or ascertain from his comments how a Millennial interacts with his parents, you may uncover clues on how he hopes to relate to you as an older colleague.

If your new hire sees his parents as a perpetually available resource, he may expect the same from you. If he is open to their counsel and coaching, he may readily accept the same from you as his mentor.

Accept the fact that you will have to spend extra time and attention on the Millennials, which can be burdensome at times. However their enthusiasm for your input may leave you feeling more gratified than grumpy.

Next: The single greatest complaint about Milleninals from employers – Part 3

COLLABORATIVE INFORMED CONSENT Model of Public Engagement

Acquiring informed consent from the people impacted by your work is critical to your professional success and that of your project. Doing so using the Collaborative Informed Consent Model for public engagement may well keep you out of the court of law and winning in the court of public opinion. #CollaborativeInformedConsent #CommunityRelations #PublicEngagement @DoctorDarryl

Planning for Emergencies and Crises at Your Church Requires Vision #churchsafetyministry @DoctorDarryl

Planning for Emergencies and Crises at Your Church 

In our last column, we discussed the phases necessary to develop your church security plan.

• Develop a planning team.
• Facilitate a discussion and risk assessment using the Collaborative Informed Consent model.
• Draft your goals and objectives.

To write and use your plan, use the six specific steps explained below.

Consult with Community Partners

 “Without prophetic vision, the people shall perish …” Proverbs 29:18

All planning begins with a vision. Your team should develop the vision and understand it well enough to easily explain it to any congregant.

A “shared vision” is critical to achieving desired results.

One church’s vision was: “When you come to church here, you will feel safe; our ‘sheepdogs’ are protecting our flock.”

Engage local emergency management, first responders, and law enforcement partners. Explain what you want to accomplish, and ask them to join your planning group.

Seek out “fence-line” neighbors who may share a property line with the church.  Ask them to help you “keep an eye out” on unusual activity and immediately report it to authorities and the church contact. Encourage them that if they “see something, say something.”

The active shooter in Texas parked his vehicle, walked 50 plus yards dressed in battle gear and carrying a rifle before spraying rounds of fire into two sides of the building. Then he entered the church.  The church’s parking lot is the first and one of the most important locations to have “eyes and ears”.

Risk Assessment Considerations

The planning committee must consider threats and prioritize them. For example, tornadoes are  likely to happen in the spring or summer. Consider what damage could occur, how much time is available to warn the congregants, and how long the threat could last.

Consider the “after-shocks” and follow-on effects of the threat. Robberies, assaults, and active shooters could turn your church into a crime scene, which means it could be cordoned off for days, maybe weeks, and the media demands will be incessant.

Setting Goals and Desired Outcomes

Prioritize each threat from high to low. Set goals (general statements about the desired outcome) for your highest priorities.

An objective is a step to take to achieve the goal. If your goal is to prevent fires, objectives could be providing fire prevention training to cooks, ensuring the church has available fire extinguishers and that congregants know how to use them as well as an evacuation plan, if necessary.

Developing and using table-top scenarios

Specific plan scenarios should be outlined based on priority.  What do you do in the event of an active shooter, tornado or medical emergency? The responses and responders will be different for each.

Consider length of response time (particularly in rural areas), who in the church will make the decisions, and what the courses of action are.

Use facilitated table-top exercises with your committee to develop specific action steps. Look under “Resources”  at www.ldarrylarmstrong.com for an example. If your church membership has first-aid responders who attend regularly, involve them and explain how they can help.

Plan Preparation, Review and Approval

Determine courses of action for each high priority threat (include active shooter scenarios). Compare the costs and benefits. Present the draft of the written plan to the organization’s leadership for approval or changes.

Plan Implementation and Maintenance

Share the plan before finalizing with a review group of your community partners, emergency responders, and law enforcement. Get their feedback and include all genders and ages as third-party insights are extremely valuable.

Communications Internally and Externally

Disseminate understandable, concise information to the internal and external audiences. Use the church website or social media to push out the information.  Inform your local media. If the church has a website for members, this information can be shared there.

 Training Responders

Choose volunteers who meet your criteria and who agree to train. Use table-top exercises to hold practice drills. Review and update the plan at least every two-years or if there are changes to buildings, policies or personnel.

Finally, arrange for crisis communications and media relations training for at least three members of the team, In the event of an active shooter, your pastor, deacons, and critical leadership will need it.

Further information

These columns share the expertise and ideas gleaned from our experience and those involved in church security. We challenge you and your leadership to explore what has become a vitally important role in today’s houses of worship — safety and security for those who come to worship.

Interested persons can find additional information including a video introduction on church security, podcasts, and materials designed to inform and educate at www.churchsafetyministry.com. A series of webinars are under development, and those interested in attending these online seminars can register at the website to receive announcements on dates.

END

(L. Darryl Armstrong Ph.D. is the principal at L. Darryl ARMSTRONG and Associates LLC. His firm provides crisis communications and prevention consulting services and training to clients nation-wide. He has more than 40-years of experience in helping clients prepare for emergencies and crisis. A graduate of Murray State University in communications and behavioral psychology and the Executive Security Institute with an emphasis in security planning, he holds a doctoral degree in neuro-linguistics. He is available for limited speaking engagements and consulting. 1.888.340.2006, ldarrylarmstrong@gmail.com and www.ldarrylarmstrong.com.)

 

 

 

Churches, irrespective of size, must plan to ensure the safety of their congregants #churchsafetyministry

Churches, like any other businesses in today’s environment, must take steps to ensure the safety of their congregations.

Because emergencies happen to all businesses, a thoughtful and resilient emergency plan of action is prudent.

As of December 19, 108 people were killed in churches in 2017.

When an active shooter on November 5, 2017, killed 26 people and wounded 20 at a rural Baptist church in Sutherland Springs, Texas,  media, public, and political concerns reached a new high.

This church attack was the deadliest active shooting by an individual in Texas history and the fifth-deadliest in the United States.  It is the most devastating active shooting in an American place of worship in our history.

Such events disappear quickly from the front pages of  mainstream media, and many people, including pastors and congregants, resort to thinking, “it can’t happen to us.” Hopefully, it won’t.

Although the chances that your congregants will be involved in such an attack are slim, church leadership must accept the possibility and plan for this and all other possible emergencies.

Having worked in the field of crisis communications, prevention, and management for 40-years, I believe in and practice with my clients “ praying for the best while preparing for the worse.”

Organizations that do so will survive and recover; those that don’t suffer severe and often irreparable consequences.

This series of columns will provide insight into the questions that church leaders and pastors must consider as they plan for the safety of their congregants.

Planning for the necessary personnel to respond, the communication of the event, training church personnel, and the event follow-up should cover issues such as:

• Why houses of worship need an emergency response plan and the types of emergencies to include.
• The importance of a facilitated dialogue with leadership and congregants about developing an action plan that includes law enforcement, emergency response, legal and insurance personnel a process we call “Collaborative Informed Consent.”
• Considerations of hiring professional security personnel or using volunteers, including a “talent inventory” from your congregants.
• Conducting a risk analysis and evaluation of your church facility, parking lot, and personnel.
• Why your institution is a “soft target” and how to “harden” it by quickly achieving “soft” and “hard” lockdowns.
• Having trained “screeners” and the options for action they must take when an incident develops.
• Understanding your internal and external communication needs and venues before, during, and after a crisis.
• Considering non-lethal and lethal options.
• How to gather intelligence and ensure confidentiality.
• How to protect children and seniors who are the most vulnerable members of your congregation.
• Understanding what an active shooter is and how they think.
• The times of day and the days of the week your church is most vulnerable.
• The role of active or retired military, law enforcement, and concealed carry permit holders on your security team.
• What you must communicate to your congregation about your plan and what they must do in the event of an emergency, including an active shooter.
• Whether you should post signage, and, if so, what should it say?
• Establishing proactive establishment of post-event counseling and recovery assistance.
• Teaching self-awareness and using the “see something, say something” strategy.
• Pros and cons of “Run, hide and fight.”
• The need for “Stop the Bleed” first-aid kits and training.

Further information

These columns share the expertise gleaned from our four decades of experience in crisis planning and management and those involved in church security nationwide. We challenge you to explore what has become a vitally important role in today’s houses of worship – safety and security and not just to conclude that carrying a weapon in a house of prayer is all you have to do to protect your congregants.

Interested persons can find additional information including an introductory video on church security, podcasts, and downloadable materials at www.churchsafetyministry.com. A pilot webinar is under development, and those interested in participating in this pilot can register at our website to receive announcements of future presentation dates.

Mark Twain would be Proud of Paul Wolff

Tybee Island residents and its city government lost a good man this week when Paul Wolff, a multi-term city councilman lost his re-election by less than a handful of votes.

Finding public servants of the caliber of Paul is difficult in our society. Paul was one of the rare breed that understood the importance of opening and maintaining dialogue on all issues whether they were controversial or not, the importance of ‘informed consent,’ and the art of consensus-building, if not compromise.

We have had the privilege of knowing Paul for most of two decades, and even though politically we are often worlds apart, I have great respect and admiration for this Vanderbilt-educated renaissance of a fellow.

There are those who would say Paul is progressive and liberal; just as there are those who would say I am conservative and a libertarian. I have never much cared for labels rather I prefer Paul’s approach to being a public servant. He is a gentleman who is willing to have an open, honest and spirited conversation about any subject and that my friends can lead to better decision-making on a diversity of issues.

Being a public figure especially one that is in an elected office in any community is not an enviable position. I know that personally because I was a public servant at the executive federal level for almost 20-years. As Paul, and others find out you no longer have much of a private life once you engage in public service; if you have the pathological need to be liked by everyone you also have no business being in public service.

Much like Paul, I set about trying to help government and its elected and employed officials better understand different constituent viewpoints. I sought and developed processes to gather as much data and information as possible so that we could make better decisions especially on those issues that directly affected the people that we served.

I understood and yet became very frustrated with the many different internal and external political agendas and that eventually wore me down and I voluntarily left for the private sector where I have been now almost 22-years.

However, then and now as a practicing informed-consent professional I went about as did Paul the often arduous task of opening and sustaining dialogue, building coalitions and seeking to understand all sides of an issue before presenting alternative solutions and certainly before making a decision.

I found however even after such well-meaning efforts that many decisions were not made in the best interest of the community rather decisions were made as to what was in the best interest of the agency, or the ranking politicos at the time.

Paul brought to the Tybee city council an even-tempered, diplomatic and inquiring approach to consideration of issues when at times others simply tested the limits of patience. There is nothing new or even unique about follies in locally elected bodies, it is what it is and it always shall be. All politics are local, Tip O’Neil reminded us and so that is the way life is whether at Tybee Island or the heart of New York City.

What was refreshing about Paul was to see more reasoned, deliberate, ethical and thoughtful approaches to the workings of a local government and for that all taxpayers on Tybee Island can be thankful.

I believe Paul has much to be proud of in the service he provided during his tenure and the model of reasoned approach that he chose to follow is one that the current city council would be wise to adopt.

I have come to believe in my maturity that it is people like Paul that help us all see different visions and paths to solutions to the often controversial and thorny problems we face. I came to understand that even when Paul’s opinions varied greatly from my own, that he actively listened and integrated divergent viewpoints into his thinking and that is rare in the partisan world in which we live.

Whatever Paul does next he will do it with energy, compassion, and passion and he will continue to be a contributor to the wacky little island.

Like many of us who have been in the arena many times before, it is best that we tried to advance thinking and action rather than to sit idly on the sidelines. So, I advise my “brother of another mother” to not take the political winds of fortune personally.

Sometimes, as my partner has said, it seems the society in which we live and work is conspiring against good-willed people and their well-intentioned ways and that even those who work on our behalf sometimes don’t seem to do us the favor they intend.

Perhaps, more so than anyone Mark Twain sums up Paul Wolff when he wrote, “An honest man in politics shines more there than he would elsewhere.”

Semper fi brother, DrD