12 Lessons I Have Learned in 50 years of Facilitating Meetings to Reach Collaborative Informed Consent

12 Lessons I Have Learned in 50 years of Facilitating Meetings to Reach Collaborative Informed Consent by L. Darryl Armstrong Ph.D.

For the past five decades, I have witnessed much as a facilitator of meetings. Some of those meetings have been highly contentious. Some of the lessons learned are disheartening for organizers and those participating, and some of the observable behavior has been heartwarming.

These are my observations to help those who choose to become better facilitators.

1. Be open and honest and be who you are. Accept responsibility for yourself and your behaviors. Some people are simply difficult personalities, if that is you, that is you but don’t pretend to be anything you are not. Learn and practice how to deal with the difficult people you may encounter.

 
2. People expect truthfulness, openness, and transparency, which is rare in government and the corporate world. Doublespeak and bullshit are more common. I forget how often the PR spokesperson has said, “We always do the right thing,” and then had to walk back or explain away the subsequent behavior. The combination of the two tells us all who you are. Deliver your messages with clarity and demonstrate them through your behavior. “Walk your talk.

3. There is a time for humbleness and admission of mistakes. If you are unwilling and incapable of doing this, expect issues and problems and accept responsibility for your arrested or immature behaviors. It took me years to learn and use Louise Penny’s Inspector Gamache’s Four Principles: “I was wrong; I am sorry; I don’t know, and I need help.” Write those down and place them where you see them daily.

4. Deceive the public often enough, and you will get caught, tried, and convicted in the court of public opinion. Speak the truth and demonstrate that belief through your behavior, and the public will respect you, even if they disagree. Listen to understand those you are working with and be resilient.

5. Stay focused on simple, understandable messages. Politicians will seek to control and own the language and redefine it to meet their messaging. The media will create their narrative. “Inflation is transitory; despite the classical definition, we are not in a recession,” these are classic examples. You must stay true to yourself and your ethics, morals, and values. If you are a spokesperson, you must look at yourself in the mirror daily and live with what you see.

6. Don’t whine and complain about some “conspiracy”; it only shows your child-like qualities. If you have facts that confirm your beliefs, share them and document them. Don’t be an activist for your 15 minutes of fame; be an activist because you strongly believe in what you propose or oppose.

7. When you commit, meet that commitment. Tell me you will meet me at 13:00 hours – be there five minutes early; otherwise, consider yourself late. Start and stop your meetings at agreed-upon times. Negotiate for more time with your audience when needed.

8. If you agree to participate in a public meeting, forum or debate, insist that the organizers sit down and negotiate with all the participants well in advance and come to a consensus on the “operating principles.”

9. Consensus does not mean you or they will get everything wanted in the “ground rules,” be an adult about understanding that. If you and the organizers have negotiated in a spirit of goodwill, that is the best you can hope for in the political arenas of today’s society.

10. Use a neutral and independent facilitator unfamiliar with the politics to handle these negotiations and your forum. Negotiations are rooted in proposals. Be willing to propose and sustainably discuss them to a conclusion. Just like law enforcement negotiators, the intent is to reach a satisfactory conclusion that benefits everyone on all sides.

11. Be a professional and stop whining and complaining when things are not exactly as you want them to be. Life and politics are not fair.

12. Leave personal insults, vulgarity, character assassination, and your emotions at home. Be brave and articulate, and demonstrate your commitment to your position through your thoughtful presentation of the facts, beliefs, and passion! Be a person of high character and integrity.